I decided to start a new blog about my up and coming weight loss journey. I am doing this primarily for myself, as a way to journal my thoughts, feelings, successes, and challenges as I embark upon this new, exciting, and somewhat terrifying decision that I have made. I guess I can start by giving a little background...
I am 27 years old and according to my doctor, 132 pounds over my ideal body weight. I haven't always been this way. As crazy as it sounds, the weight really did just sneak up on me over the course of about 8 years. I am not going to make excuses and blame an underactive thyroid (which for some people is an actual metabolic disorder, but in my case my damn thyroid works just fine!) nor am I going to say that all I eat is Lean Cuisines and salad (because I do eat a lot of Lean Cuisines and salads...but that is usually followed 45 minutes later with a sinful dessert or even a whole other meal!) but I will say that I am offended by the all too common stereo-type that all fat people are lazy and sit around all day eating potato chips. Let me clear that one up real quick: I don't even remember the last time I had potato chips. Maybe at a 4th of July cookout? I don't know. And although I am not on the stair-master at 5 am every morning, I wouldn't exactly call myself lazy. I work a very physically demanding job as an RN 2 nights a week, and the other 5 days I spend chasing around my very active 16 month old son. In fact, in the past I haven't really let my excess weight limit me as much as one would think. I get out and about like everyone else, park in the back of parking lots and walk, occassionally opt for the stairs over the elevator (and live to tell about it!), and have even been known to get out in the driveway and shoot hoops. I was an extremely athletic teenager-volleyball, basketball, softball, running, weight-lifting-you name it, so I think that athleticism has somehow stayed with me, even if just a tiny bit. In fact, for the last several years I have been in denial about my size and weight, and as long as I avoided clothing stores, mirrors, being in photos, riding amusement park rides, and trying to buckle up on an airplane, I could pretend I wasn't carrying around all that extra and unhealthy baggage.
But guess what. It finally caught up with me. Right around my 27th birthday in fact, I got out of bed one morning and my bones popped and cracked as I walked to the bathroom. They continued to do this most of the day. My back ached. My hips and knees hurt. A few weeks later I made the fateful decision to have some professional photos taken of myself and my son for my husband as a Christmas gift. When I first saw the photos (it had been a long time since I had had picture taken where I wasn't hiding behind someone or something with just my head peeking out!) I didn't even recognize that woman in the picture. It was mortifying to say the least. But sometimes a good dose of reality is what it takes to make some change, and in this case, it's exactly what I needed. I knew I had to do something. Something big, something life-changing. Something drastic. And that's when I decided that someway, somehow, I was going to have weight-loss surgery.
My dieting history goes way back. I have done Atkins, Sugar Busters, The Fat Flush plan, Slim-fast, and Weight watchers to name a few. I have joined and quit several gyms, including the women-only inspired Curves. And guess what? I have succeeded on some level with just about everything I have tried! My best attempt at weight loss came in 2006 when I wanted to get healthy before getting pregnant. I counted calories, exercised 3 times a week, took diet pills for a short time, and lost 65 pounds. I subsequently got pregnant, had a baby, quit my job and stayed home for 6 months and gained all the weight back. Plus a little more. That's when I was just about ready to give up. I had lost and regained so much weight in my life that I was about to decide that being fat all the time was less depressing than having my weight go up and down like a yo-yo, a constant battle of success and failure, constantly feeling like there was something very wrong with me for not being able to keep the weight off. Then I started doing some research on weight loss surgery (something I actually had been considering for a couple of years) and found a surgeon nearby. I attended an informational seminar and left in tears. I knew it was the answer I had been looking for for so long!
On December 1oth I met with a Bariatric Medical Specialist and underwent a very thorough evaluation. This is where I was told my BMI was 46 (normal is less than 25) and that I needed to lose approximately 132 pounds. The surgery that the doctor has recommended for me is the Sleeve Gastrectomy. I had tons of lab work done, an EKG, chest x-ray, and barium swallow study. That puts us up to date. I am now waiting for the surgeon to call me for a pre-operative consultation and then will be setting up my surgery date! I don't think any amount of research and reading (and believe me, I have done A LOT!) is going to fully prepare me for what I am about to experience. But I am very blessed to have the best and most supportive husband in the world along with a very loving and supportive group of family and friends, so I know that no matter how challenging this journey may be, I will have someone there with me every step of the way. The doctor recommends keeping a journal during this process, so that is the purpose of this blog. It really is just for me, but on the off chance that I might help or inspire someone else out there, I am making it available to the public. One of the first things I had to come to terms with as I made this decision was that I could not longer lie to myself about my weight. It is real, very real, and is impacting my health and my future every single day of my life. I am young. I am healthy (aside from my joint and back problems) and I want to be able to live my life to the fullest and set the best possible example for my precious son. I want to become a person who eats to LIVE not LIVES to eat. So here begins my journey...
(I fully intend to post my pre-op weight and some "before" pictures, but don't quite have the nerve just yet. I'm taking this one step at a time...)
0 comments:
Post a Comment