4 weeks!

Tuesday 2/24/09

Post workout pic :)

I can't believe it's almost been a month since surgery! I really feel like such a different person than a month ago. I have so much more energy and just feel better overall. Official weight loss at 4 weeks: 32.5 pounds! So you are probably wondering how it's going with food. Well, let me sum it up in one sentence: I no longer derive any joy or pleasure from eating. To some people, this may sound great, and I'm sure eventually it will be great. But right now, it's quite an adjustment.

When I started this blog over a month ago and named it "Eating to live, not living to eat" I had NO idea just how on-target I was! I now eat to nourish my body, and even that is a struggle. One bite too many and its all coming back up or I am nauseated for an hour. Just a few small bites of food creates uncomfortable pressure and fullness. It's not worth the time to cook a meal because I know it will take so very little of it to satisfy me! I am really struggling right now with wanting to skip meals, especially breakfast. I am just not hungry! On a couple of occassions I have been craving a certain food, eaten it too fast, and gotten sick. Chris asked me how many times I will have to "touch the hot stove" to learn, LOL. So after getting sick a few times I mentally just don't want to eat anymore. But I am still learning, and this will get better, I know it will. I am just used to eating such large amounts of food, its like my brain just doesn't "believe" my stomach when it says its full, and that is frustrating! It's not easy to leave so much food on my plate! So I know this sounds kina negative right now, but really I could not be more happy with my decision. I am becoming a person whose life does not center around food! And in the meantime, my pants just keep getting looser! So this post is not meant to be negative or discouraging...just an honest account of what its like to have only 1/4 the size of the stomach of everyone else!

The day has arrived!

I am allowed to eat actual flavorful savory FOOD! No more protein shakes...ever! My appointment went great, the doctor said my progress was "phenomenal" and even laughed about how big my pants were on me :) I have lost 29 pounds! I am very excited almost be under the "100 pounds to lose" mark. The dietician met with me and several people and gave us our "rules" for the next 10 weeks:

-High protein Soft food diet- anything that can be cut easily with a fork and contains no more than 5 grams of sugar or fat.

-portion size per meal: 1/2 cup

-Consume 20 grams of protein per meal, 3 times per day

-Take dime sized bites and chew 20-30 times

-Take 30 minutes to eat a meal (and with my meals being only half a cup, I am going to have to read a book or something between bites!)

-no drinking 30 minutes before, during, or 30 minutes after eating to avoid flushing food too quickly through the stomach.

-Daily supplements: 2 multi-vitamins, 3 calciums, 1 iron, 1 B12

-Exercise: 30 minutes of cardio a minimum of 3 days/week

I went to Wal-Mart after my appointment and stocked up on every high protein soft food I could find! You are probably wondering what my first meal will be? Well, here is it...drumroll please...tuna salad on crackers with light mayo, eggs, and relish! I am allowed a few crackers and pretzels to satisfy my urge to "crunch" something, but I can't go overboard or I won't be able to eat all my protein. I have had 3 bites of tuna salad since I've been home and I am completely full! I still can't wrap my brain around just how very small my new stomach is. I guess that will come with time? Anyway, I'm still feeling great and I am excited to see where I am 2 weeks from now when I return to the doctor. Wish me luck with my first solid food in 25 days!!

3 weeks!

Tommorow marks 3 weeks since surgery! Looking back, it really is amazing how fast it has gone by. I will update my weight on Thursday after I see the doctor. I am trying not to weigh daily anymore because I have somewhat reached a plateau with the numbers on the scale even though my clothes are getting looser and looser. So to avoid getting discouraged, I am trying not to get obsessed with numbers. Anyway, here is my 3 week pic (with my new haircut-I have bangs again!).

Feeling Great!

It's been almost a week since I have posted, but no worries, I am feeling great! I am surprised everyday with the amount of energy I have when I am consuming so little (500 or less/day) calories! The scale has held steady at 287 for several days now, but I have read that this is completely normal during periods of rapid weight loss. My body is just needing some time to adjust to the 26 pounds I've already lost and then it will kick back into gear! I am impatient of course, because when you are living on protein shakes all day every day for 19 days one of the main things to look forward to is seeing a new number on the scale each morning!! But I am trying to be patient...

I am back at work tonight and its my first time to be around people besides Chris since the days following surgery. I was excited to see if anyone noticed-and am happy to say they all did! Also another major milestone was that I was able to easily slip into the size 3x scrub pants provided by the hospital. When I started here I had to go out and buy my own size 4x pants- actually, I had to have them special ordered by the scrub store :( because the hospital didn't carry a bigger size.(In labor and delivery we wear speciality matching scrubs for security) That was very humilating. I have never been more excited to wear a 3x than I am tonight!

I read somewhere that it takes 20 days of doing something for it to become a habit. Well today is day 19 of the liquids and I have to say it is just becoming a way of life, I hardly even think about it. Not to say that I haven't been researching my next phase of dieting, because believe me I have! It looks like I will be able to eat (very) small amounts of tuna, eggs, cottage cheese, lean lunch meats, beans, fish, and yogurt. And believe it or not, those foods sound just as appealing as cheese fries and ice cream used to be! It may be a little premature, but I cannot control it-I am already starting to think like a thin person. My self-image has already taken a major boost--it is so amazing how losing 1/4th of my excess weight can be so mentally motivating!

20 more pounds and I will officially be the smallest I've been since my freshman year of college. I am very much looking forward to reaching that milestone! I fully intended to start back at the gym this past week but never quite made it (we had a bit of a stressful week!) but my butt will be there Monday! I go back to Dr.Roller on Thursday and am looking forward to wowing him with my enthusiam and optimism in the face of his 3 week liquid diet!!

12 days, 24.5 pounds!

Today I was very excited to see a new set of numbers on the scale-289! It's been almost 3 years since I have seen the 280's! Anyway, it's yet another small victory, but just enough to keep me motivated...the liquid diet is not only getting old, it's getting downright disgusting! I am practically pinching my nose to get them down without gagging. I know, sounds terrible, right!? But thats why these little victories are so important! I never posted my "before pictures" so today I posting a before pic and a today pic. The changes are slight, you may not even notice, but I do, plus I am wearing one size smaller jeans and top and I feel great! (I am not wearing makeup and did not fix my hair for either pic, so they should be pretty equal in that aspect!)

Night before surgery 1/26/09

12 days post-op 2/8/09

Little victory/Big disappointment

Today marks my first little victory- buttoning a size 24 pair of jeans with ease (one size down!) It also marks a BIG disappointment. My doctor's office called and left a message last week saying my 2 week check-up with the surgeon would now be delayed to 3 weeks because the doctor was going out of town. I called this morning to clarify that I would still be able to begin my soft food diet on day 14, right? right? Umm, not so much. That would be a big NO. No soft foods until released by the surgeon. So that will put me on liquids for 25 days- almost a freakin' month!!! I am NOT happy about this, as you can tell. But what can I do- I am the patient, he is the surgeon, and God knows I do not want to do anything to screw this up. So I am venting on the blog, shedding a few tears, and then I am going to "suck it up" and deal with it. There are worse tragedies in the world than a 25 day liquid diet. And, on the bright side, the weight seems to be coming off an average of 1-3 pounds per day on this diet. Maybe this happened for a reason, maybe this is my first big challenge that I need to overcome to prove that I can really do this this time. I am trying to be optimistic...really, really I am! We'll see where I am in another week or so!

Home at last!

Ayden and I finally came home last night after staying with my mom and dad for a week. It was so nice to see Chris and sleep in my own bed! But it's also somewhat strange today to be home because I have not been here since before the surgery. More than ever, I am very aware of how much my life has already changed and how much of a different person I already am. I was in the hospital for 3 days and then went straight to my parents' house and right into my routine of a liquid diet and for some reason changing environments is making me have to readjust to my new lifestyle. All the old triggers of wanting to eat are here because like I have said before, so much of my eating was habititual! I had a daily routine that very much included eating! I am excited to be home but it is somewhat emotional for me as the complete reality of what I have done has finally kicked it. I have absolutely no regrets about the surgery but the reality of how much my life has changed and MUST CHANGE FOREVER has just now occured to me. I know I will be okay...I just need to take it one day at a time. And as of today...21.5 pounds gone!!

One week anniversary!

Today marks one week since my surgery! I cannot believe how fast it has gone by. I am feeling great and losing an average of 1-2 pounds a day, I have lost about 17 pounds total. I still have a long way to go, but this is a great start. I can't imagine how great I am going to feel when I reach my goal because I am already feeling so good! I am not hungry at all and my cravings are getting less intense. I am on my 9th day of a liquid diet and believe it or not it's getting a little easier everyday. I still have to stop and remind myself several times a day that I can't eat, so much of my eating was a habit. I go back to the doctor for a checkup in 9 days and then will be allowed to start eating soft foods like eggs, string cheese, fish, yogurt, etc. I also will be able to start going back to the gym and I know working out will really speed up my results. I am walking small amounts several times a day now and doing okay with that. Tommorow Ayden and I are going back home to Rogers-YEA! We miss Chris so so much but are extremely grateful for everyone's help while we've been in Mena. I still can't lift Ayden but I think we can manage just fine at home by making a few provisions. I will post more results as they come!