Side by side pics and measurements!

I have posted 3 new sets of pics, see below. These pics compare 3 weeks post-op, where I had lost 29 pounds vs. 8 months post-op (current), where I have lost 100 pounds. Also here are new measurements compared with 2 months ago:

BMI: 32.6 then, 31.6 now
Waist: 38 inches then, 36 inches now
Hips: 47 inches then, 46 inches now
Thighs: 27 inches then, 26 inches now
Calfs: 15 inches then, 15 inches now

Scrub top and bottom 1x
pant size 14/16
bra size 38 D

3 weeks post-op vs. 8 months post-op Side view

3 weeks post-op vs. 8 months post-op Rear View

Pics: 3 weeks post-op vs. 8 months post-op Front View

ONE HUNDRED POUNDS!!!!!!!!!

The milestone I have been waiting for, longing for, hoping for....has finally arrived! I stepped on the scale this morning to see the numbers 214 smiling back at me! I will admit, getting a 36 hour stomach bug is one heck of a way to lose those 3 last pounds to make it to 100, but I'll take it however I can get it I guess! :) After my last post about my weight stabilizing out, I actually started slowly losing again, and now, thanks to the stomach bug, I am there! I can honestly say that if I don't lose another ounce I will be happy because I never in my life thought I would be able to say I have lost 100 pounds!

I am just 2 days shy of the one year anniversary of my initial consultation with Roller Weight Loss clinic, where I weighed in at 314 pounds and made the decision to have weight loss surgery. I look back to one year ago when I was at my lowest point with my self-esteem and literally desperate for something, anything, I could do to change my life and start seeing the numbers go down instead of up. I was very hopeful and optimistic about the surgery but I think deep down I still had thoughts that I would never lose the weight, that I was destined to be obese, self-concious, and unhappy with myself for life. After almost 10 years of being very overweight, or morbidly obese in medical terms, I did start to lose hope that the "real me" deep down inside wasn't ever going to come out.

Over the next 6 weeks, as I approach my one year anniversary since surgery, I will be moving into the maintenence phase of this surgery, that I will remain in for the rest of my life. I have already passed through my first set of holiday meals, and it was easier than I thought it would be, maybe since I had already had 8 months of limited-eating practice :) In fact, it was nice to be able to enjoy a nice and tasty meal with my family without feeling miserably sick and full afterwards, followed by crying over the next several days at how my clothes were getting tighter and tighter. I returned home from the Thanksgiving holidays weighing one pound less than when I left--that sure has never happened before!!

Well, I will quit droning on and on about this, my biggest milestone to date :) I will post new measurements and sizes soon as well as an official 100 pound pic! Thanks to everyone for your support and encouragement!!!

Stabilizing

Well this is my first month to report a weight loss of zero pounds. It seems as though my weight has finally stabilized at 220, and this makes sense because the last time I was at my healthiest adult weight (in high school) it was always between 210-230. I think this is where my body is comfortable being, and I am personally great with it too!

The surgery was expected to help me lose 60-80% of my "excess weight to lose" which was 132 pounds. I have lost 94 pounds which means I have lost approximately 72% of my excess weight--falling right in the 60-80% range!

I am very comfortable with my eating patterns and lifestyle now, I feel great, and I truly eat to live now--not live to eat! My love of food no longer controls me. I still have cravings occassionally and of course I enjoy the taste of food, who doesn't? But I can now be completely satisfied with a few bites instead of a few whole servings of a meal. Like I said before, I am completely at peace with my current weight, but I will say that I know adding regular exercise would probably enable me to lose 10-20 more pounds not to mention exercise is just a good thing to do overall! I am setting myself a goal to start exercising more than once or twice a week and see if I can lose a few more pounds before having another baby. But I can honestly say that if I don't lose another pound, even with exercise, I could not be happier with the results from this surgery. Some people like to say weight loss surgery is the "easy way out" and I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion, but from my standpoint nothing about this experience has been easy, but everything about it has been totally worth it!!

I will post new measurements soon because I know I am still losing inches, as my clothes keep getting looser and looser :)

New numbers!

Today I am celebrating my 28th birthday...at my lowest weight since before college! I have new measurements to post and new pictures, since I haven't posted pics since August. I continue to lose slow but steady, 5 pounds and 5.5 inches in the past month. I feel great and so very blessed that I have been able to lose this weight. 39 pounds to go!!

Newest stats compared with 4 weeks ago:

BMI: 33.4 then, 32.6 now
Waist: 40 inches then, 38 inches now
Hips: 48.5 inches then, 47 inches now
Thighs: 29 inches then, 27 inches now
Calfs: 15 inches then, 15 inches now

And on that note...

As stated in my last post, one of the biggest motivating factors for having this surgery was to be a healthy mother for my child and future children. With a pre-pregnancy weight of 300 pounds, I was tremendously blessed to have a non-complicated pregnancy with Ayden. But, after having him, I realized that not only did I want to be healthier for him, but also while pregnant with any of his future siblings. I just found an interesting article on this very subject. Also more incentive to take my seven yucky chewable vitamins everyday! http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32692882/ns/health-diabetes/

Slow but steady...

I can't believe it's been over a month since I posted...time seems to passing so quickly! Believe it or not, I am just around the corner from my 8 month surgery anniversary! Currently I have lost 88 pounds, about 44 pounds from my goal, which is so unbelievably exciting! I never thought I would be able to say that I only needed to lose about 40 pounds to be at a healthy and normal weight! I am still feeling great, although the period of rapid weight loss definetely seems to be over. But that really doesn't bother me, I am still reveling the in the joy that comes with not having gained any weight in almost a year! Although the scale is slowing down, I have lost 8 inches in the last 2 months! I know that now is a crucial time to be exercising and toning, so I am really trying to make an effort to make those things more of a priority. I am excited to reach my goal weight for many reasons, but the number one thing on my mind is having another baby :) That is my ultimate goal for next year! Here are my newest measurements compared with 2 months ago:

Waist: 43 inches then, 40 inches now
Hips: 51 inches then, 48.5 inches now
Thighs: 31 inches then, 29 inches now
Calfs: 15.5 inches then, 15 inches now

STATS Today 9/9/09
Weight: 226 lbs (-88)
BMI: 33.4 (-13)
Body fat: 34.9% (-20%)
Jean size: 18
Scrub top size: 1X
Scrub pant size: 1X
Bra size: 38 D

Feeling 18 again!

I have hit another major milestone-size 18 jeans! This is huge for me, because, ironically enough, I haven't worn size 18 jeans since I was 18! It felt so good to walk into a regular person store, in this case Old Navy, and buy a pair of jeans right off the shelf (not to mention it's not even the biggest size they carry in store!) For so long I had to order my clothes online or go to specialty plus size stores. Being normal sized is soooo much more fun than 3 course meals!! Here's pic of me modeling my new jeans :) Only 50 more pounds to go! Woo-hoo!!

6 MONTHS!

Yesterday was exactly 6 months since my surgery! I went to the doctor and weighed in and met with the dietician and nurse practioner. Everything looks great-- 80 pounds lost! That is approximetely 44% of my "excess weight to lose", they expect me to lose 70-80% of my excess weight, so I am well over halfway there! I had a bunch of blood drawn to make sure all my vitamins and minerals aren't deficient and as long as that all comes back okay, I won't go back until January!

Anyway, I have focused the last several posts on numbers- weight, measurements, and clothing sizes, but I want to focus on something a little different on this monumental (6 month!) post--how things have changed for me since surgery. Here is a list of some of the little victories I have acheived in my weight loss journey so far:



The ability to...

1. Paint my own toenails without the risk of a hernia :)

2. Climb a flight of stairs or walk across a big parking lot without getting out of breath

3. Sit in waiting room chairs without the sides of the chair cutting into my legs

4. Not worry about if I'll fit in the next rollercoaster I ride or if I'll be able to buckle my seatbelt on the plane the next time I fly

5. Sit indian-style, comfortably on the floor (may not seem like a big to deal to some of you, but big people can't sit on the floor very easily!)

6. Cross my legs while sitting!

7. Sit in a swing at the park

8. Not feel as if I need to check the weight limit on a step stool or ladder before climbing on

9. Feel comfortable instead of embarrassed while shopping for clothes and/or underwear.

10. Finally feeling like ME! I told you the real Jessica was deep down inside that 314 pound person, and she is finally emerging! I feel more like "myself" than ever before!

Ayden and Me...

For my July picture, I am choosing to post a picture from last December of myself with my precious little one and another one of us from last week, 7 months later. Look how much we've BOTH changed!

New Numbers!

To all my faithful and supportive follwers, and any random person who might stumble onto this blog...sorry I haven't posted in awhile, but things have been relatively uneventful. I mean, I am still more losing pounds and inches each week, but that almost seems like old news now :) I neglected to take my measurements in June, but here are my lastest stats. I am still feeling great and almost 6 months and 78 pounds later, this surgery has fulfilled everything I hoped and dreamed it would! And I'm not even done yet! I am very excited to hit my goal weight and/or see where I start leveling out so we can start trying for baby #2 next Spring!

STATS Today 7/13/09

Weight: 236 (-78 lbs)
BMI: 34.9 (-11.4)
Body fat: 37.3% (-17.6%)
Jean size: 18/20
Scrub top size: 1X
Scrub pant size: 2X...sooo close to 1 X but just not quite there!
Bra size: 38 D

Waist: 43 inches
Hips: 51 inches
Thighs: 31 inches
Calfs: 15.5 inches

SEVENTY POUNDS!!!

New measurements coming soon...

Halfway There!!

I am officially halfway to my goal weight (as determined by my physician). 66 pounds lost, 66 pounds to go! This is very exciting and very annoying all at once :) I am very -very- very- very happy to have lost 66 pounds for the first time in my life! But I also think, whoa, I still have that much more to go!! (By the way, I appreciate all the comments from my friends and family who say they don't think I need to lose 66 more. It's not often that a girl like me gets told that I "don't need" to lose too much weight, lol. I am enjoying that just a little bit.)

I personally have set a goal for myself to lose about 40-50 more pounds. If I keep going and lose 66 more, that's great, but if not, I will be just fine with that. I don't remember the last time I weighed less than 200 pounds, so I guess I am just having a hard time imagining it! I have to fight the urge almost daily to buy new clothes, its my new addiction I guess! I did, however, finally buy all new panties and bras (sorry if that's TMI for some of you) but that was SUPER fun!! It's amazing how much cuter they make undergarments in smaller sizes! And how much more fun it is to wear them! :) New pics to come soon....but don't worry, I will be fully clothed! :)

Another reason to smile...

I have been reaping the benefits of losing weight in several ways: increased energy level, more self-condidence, and of course, NEW CLOTHES! But I am now beginning to notice a new and even more amazing benefit from this surgery...very minimal back pain! Most of you know my history-I had back surgery at 15 and was diagnosed with degenerative arthritis of the spine. Needless the say, the 100+ pounds I packed on after high school only made my back pain worse. Not to mention that I chose a profession where I am on my feet, lifting, pushing, and walking for 12 hours at a time. I used to take 8 advil a night just to get through work!

But lately, I have noticed a very significant decrease in my back pain and stiffness and I have taken ZERO medication for back pain since my surgery (Advil and Motrin are not allowed anymore with my new stomach). Last night I had an extremely busy and active night at work, I was on my feet for the first 5 hours straight without a break. I kept thinking, "wow, I am going to feel this tomorrow" But guess what...I don't feel anything! I woke up feeling great, no backache, no stiffness. This is a brand new development! A year ago, a night like I just had would have left me taking handfuls of Advil, laying on heating pad, and being "down in my back" for 5-7 days. I really enjoy buying new clothes...but I have to say a healthy back feels even better!!

*note* For some reason, no one is able to comment on my blog since I changed the layout. I have not figured out why. But feel free to e-mail me, my address is at the right of this page. I love hearing feedback and that I am inspiring others!!

Realization...

Today I had one of those days where I just wanted to cry all day. I know you've all been there. I was emotional, sensitive, and stressed, and it seemed every little thing raked on my nerves. I blame PMS, because like I said, nothing really specific happened and I mostly was just feeling sorry for myself. The point of my post is not to gain pity, though, but to reveal a huge realization...

I didn't/couldn't use food to soothe my stress today. In fact, it never even occurred to me to eat away my stress, because I think I have finally accepted within myself that food is not there for comfort anymore. This is a huge realization for me! In the past, my teary-eyed PMS days were filled with comfort foods-ice cream, fast food, junk food- you name it. And I always told myself that I "deserved" it because I was stressed. Well today, I had to find other means to deal with it. And, seeing that this is all fairly new for me, I probably did not handle it as well as I should have! I bit my fingernails, cried, and moped around the house watching lifetime movies. But I didn't eat!! And I didn't want to! I did, however, hang up a few new items of clothing that I bought yesterday in sizes I haven't worn in years. THAT was waaaay more satisfying than any variety of ice cream Ben and Jerry's could ever conceive :)

Side by side pics-front view 1/26/09 vs. 5/14/09

Side by side-profile

Here is my rather pitiful attempt at placing some before surgery and current pics side by side. It is clear that I do not have any experience with photo editing! 1/26/09 vs. 5/14/09 Also please excuse the baggy pants on the right...I need to go shopping :)

New Stats!!

I realize it's been awhile since I have blogged (on this blog anyway, lol). The "new-ness" of the surgery has worn off and it's just become a part of my life now. I find myself saying very often, "no thank you, I don't have a stomach" I love to see people's reactions to that! :) Of course, its a bit of an exaggeration, because I do have a stomach, but it's just not much to speak of!

When having lunch with some friends from work last week, I finally had to tell the waitress that I'd had weight-loss surgery because she just could not understand why I was only ordering a cup of soup with nothing to drink. People look at me like I am crazy when I order food now! I don't/can't drink with my meals, but I have learned to just go ahead and order something because it really seems to bother the waiter when I don't! But then the waiter is always asking me if my drink is okay, because I never need a refill, just a to-go cup! It really is an intriguing way of life, I must say! I have to say I really am adjusting well, I don't feel deprived, I feel FULL! I am still eating about a half cup of food per meal, but it's not as much of an exact measurement of food as it is, 3 bites of this, 2 bites of that and I'm done. Yesterday I had 3 bites of a chicken sandwich and 5 french fries and was completely stuffed. (yes, I realize french fries aren't on the plan, but hey, I am only human...and it was only 5!) I really make a point to consume protein at every meal, anything else is just taking up precious space!

Well, I am going to quit rambling and get the the point of this post--New stats! I hit a 2 week plateau on the scale, and then finally overcame it with a 7 pound loss. Yea! But all the while, my clothes were literally falling off of me more and more each day. I almost lost my scrub pants in a patient's room last week! So I knew I was losing inches even if the scale wasn't budging. I have no idea, NO FLIPPING IDEA, why I didn't take my measurements before surgery. Craziness I guess. But, refer to the top right of this page for my pre-surgery clothing sizes, BMI, and body fat %. Today I will be adding my current clothing sizes, BMI, body fat %, and measurements. I also realize it's been awhile since I've posted a pic of myself, so I will try to have Chris take one of me tonight to post. Okay...enough talking...drumroll please! (I am posting the new stats here and above right, side by side with the old stats)

STATS 5/14/09 3.5 months post-op

Weight: 255 (-58.5 lbs)
BMI: 37.7 (-8.6)
Body fat: 40.6% (-14.3%)
Jean size: 20/22
Scrub top size: 2X
Scrub pant size: 2X
Bra size: 40 D

Waist: 45 inches
Hips: 54 inches
Thighs: 32 inches
Calfs: 16 inches

Now, I have some measurements to use as a baseline! I plan to take measurements once a month. I am feeling great and so excited to say I am going into this summer with more confidence and optimism than I remember...probably ever! I am also only about 25-30 pounds away from my high school weight...now THAT will be a milestone to celebrate! I am going to party like it's 1999! LOL , seriously...because that's the last time I was that size...in high school! Get it? okay....been up 25 hours....it's starting to show...I'll end this post now :)

3 month update!

I am doing much better on the workout regimen! I have been doing 30 minutes on the elliptical machine at the gym, burning around 450 calories per workout! I went 3 times last week and plan to do the same this week. We also visited Eureka Springs over the weekend and went camping and hiking, and I was amazed at my energy level and stamina for walking up and down hills. I felt great! I know that a few months ago, I would have been miserable doing those things. I am drinking more water also. Strangely enough, my weight has completely plateaued for about a week now, but I am not letting that get me down. I know these workouts are going to pay off. I can't believe it was 3 months ago today that I had surgery! I feel like a different person! I actually enjoy trying on new clothes now! I am down to a size 20 or 22 in jeans, depending on the brand. I can wear a size 1x top(my boobs are shrinking too, lol)! I see Dr. Roller next Monday for my official 3 month check-up, but according to my scales--51 pounds in 3 months! I can live with that! :)

FIFTY POUNDS!

Today I weighed in at 263--50 pounds GONE! This is a huge milestone for me because I have only lost this much weight one other time in my life (when I was taking diet pills) and it feels so much better this time for 2 reasons: 1. I am not all hyped up on diet pills, LOL and 2. I do not have the constant, lurking fear that I am going to gain it all back. Last time I lost weight, I knew deep down that I would probably gain it back, plus more. And I did. Today I see the numbers on the scale, and instead of thinking, "Oh no, how long will this last before it all comes back?", I am thinking, "This is wonderful, and it's only going to keep getting better!" What an awesome feeling!

Looking back at my posts, I am losing about 10 pounds a month. The doctor set a goal for me to lose 12 pounds a month, so regardless of how happy I am to be at this weight, I know I need to kick it up a notch and exercise more. I think I am finally adjusting to the major lifestyle changes in my eating patterns and I now need to focus on making exercise a priority.

My biggest challenges I am facing are:
1. Exercise. Although I have a ton more energy and am constantly on the go, I still find it hard to make myself get that consistent 30 minutes of cardio 3 times a week.
2. Hydration. I don't know why this is so hard for me, but I have a hard time taking in 64 oz of water daily. I have to drink little sips practically all day long to do this, and sometimes I go hours without a drink and then never catch up. Shame, shame, I know :(
3.Snacking when I'm not hungry. This is an old pattern that I have carried over from before surgery. Of course, the amount of food I am able to take in now is significantly less, but the point is I still find myself looking for something to munch on at 3 pm and after dinner.

Like I said before, I am now feeling very comfortable with my new stomach and small food intake, so I am going to make the 3 things above my new focus for the next several weeks. I am excited to see where I am in another 4 weeks!

This was taken Easter Sunday- I am counting it as my

50 pound pic-it's close enough!

Obese!

Okay, crazy as it sounds, I am excited to now have the BMI of an "obese" person rather than a "morbidly obese" person! I have always hated that word "morbid"! I now have a BMI of less than 40! YEA for me! This also means I am at a weight that would no longer qualify me for weight loss surgery (unless I was diabetic or had high blood pressure, which I don't) and for some reason that really excites me too! Every little step counts! I still have a long way to go...obese, then overweight, and finally normal weight (BMI less than 24.9). Go me!

The BIG 4-0!!

Today I hit another exciting milestone...40 pounds lost! The past couple of weeks my weight loss has been somewhat at a standstill, and I was beginning to get discouraged...but hitting this new set of numbers has really given me a boost! Also, yesterday I was looking in my closet for something to wear to church today, and all my black pants and skirts were so big they looked ridiculous on me! I went to Catos and bought a few new things...all in size 22! Whoo-hoo!

8 weeks post-op!

Still here!

We finally have internet again! I am still doing well, although I still haven't made it back to the gym :( Between moving and my new work schedule, things have been a little crazy, but I really, really, really plan on going back next week, possibly even today! I did, however, break through my plateau and lost 3 more pounds this week! I am pretty happy with that and know that adding 3 days of cardio next week is really going to help! I go back to the doctor on Monday for a check-up, I'll let everyone know how it goes!

Probably my biggest challenge I am still facing is eating too fast. It is SUCH a habit for me to eat fast, I don't even realize I am doing it until I feel sick. We have started having more sit-down dinners as a family, and that definetely helps me to slow down. Because my hunger is either non-existent or so very minimal, I tend to think sitting down to eat is a waste of time because it's not like I am eating a 3 course meal! But I am realizing that I need to sit down with my 1/2 cup of cottage cheese and peaches and spend the same amount of time eating as I would a salad, steak, and baked potato 2 months ago! So, anyway, this new lifestyle is still definetely a work in progress, but I am remaining optimistic and know for sure this is the best thing I could have ever done for myself!

Plateau...

We moved into a new house this past week! We don't have internet yet so I am blogging from work. This has been a crazy/busy week in which I have gone non-stop all day everyday getting us all unpacked and settled into our new home. I didn't make it to the gym at all this week, and I guess my punishment for that is no weight loss this week :( I am trying not to be too bummed...I know with rapid weight loss comes plateaus at times. I hope to get back to the gym next week and also post new pics. The bright side I guess is that I haven't gained, the scale is literally "stuck" at 279! I'll see what I can do about that next week...stand by for updates!!

To my Faithful Followers!

To Melissa, Lindsay, and Heather, aka my followers: It is March 1st and as I was reading back through my blog I have seen for the first time where you all have left sweet, inspiring comments for me along the way! Thanks so much! When people leave comments on my other blog, I get an e-mail notification, but apparently not with this blog. So thanks and thanks again, your words mean a lot to me!

Jessica

4 weeks!

Tuesday 2/24/09

Post workout pic :)

I can't believe it's almost been a month since surgery! I really feel like such a different person than a month ago. I have so much more energy and just feel better overall. Official weight loss at 4 weeks: 32.5 pounds! So you are probably wondering how it's going with food. Well, let me sum it up in one sentence: I no longer derive any joy or pleasure from eating. To some people, this may sound great, and I'm sure eventually it will be great. But right now, it's quite an adjustment.

When I started this blog over a month ago and named it "Eating to live, not living to eat" I had NO idea just how on-target I was! I now eat to nourish my body, and even that is a struggle. One bite too many and its all coming back up or I am nauseated for an hour. Just a few small bites of food creates uncomfortable pressure and fullness. It's not worth the time to cook a meal because I know it will take so very little of it to satisfy me! I am really struggling right now with wanting to skip meals, especially breakfast. I am just not hungry! On a couple of occassions I have been craving a certain food, eaten it too fast, and gotten sick. Chris asked me how many times I will have to "touch the hot stove" to learn, LOL. So after getting sick a few times I mentally just don't want to eat anymore. But I am still learning, and this will get better, I know it will. I am just used to eating such large amounts of food, its like my brain just doesn't "believe" my stomach when it says its full, and that is frustrating! It's not easy to leave so much food on my plate! So I know this sounds kina negative right now, but really I could not be more happy with my decision. I am becoming a person whose life does not center around food! And in the meantime, my pants just keep getting looser! So this post is not meant to be negative or discouraging...just an honest account of what its like to have only 1/4 the size of the stomach of everyone else!

The day has arrived!

I am allowed to eat actual flavorful savory FOOD! No more protein shakes...ever! My appointment went great, the doctor said my progress was "phenomenal" and even laughed about how big my pants were on me :) I have lost 29 pounds! I am very excited almost be under the "100 pounds to lose" mark. The dietician met with me and several people and gave us our "rules" for the next 10 weeks:

-High protein Soft food diet- anything that can be cut easily with a fork and contains no more than 5 grams of sugar or fat.

-portion size per meal: 1/2 cup

-Consume 20 grams of protein per meal, 3 times per day

-Take dime sized bites and chew 20-30 times

-Take 30 minutes to eat a meal (and with my meals being only half a cup, I am going to have to read a book or something between bites!)

-no drinking 30 minutes before, during, or 30 minutes after eating to avoid flushing food too quickly through the stomach.

-Daily supplements: 2 multi-vitamins, 3 calciums, 1 iron, 1 B12

-Exercise: 30 minutes of cardio a minimum of 3 days/week

I went to Wal-Mart after my appointment and stocked up on every high protein soft food I could find! You are probably wondering what my first meal will be? Well, here is it...drumroll please...tuna salad on crackers with light mayo, eggs, and relish! I am allowed a few crackers and pretzels to satisfy my urge to "crunch" something, but I can't go overboard or I won't be able to eat all my protein. I have had 3 bites of tuna salad since I've been home and I am completely full! I still can't wrap my brain around just how very small my new stomach is. I guess that will come with time? Anyway, I'm still feeling great and I am excited to see where I am 2 weeks from now when I return to the doctor. Wish me luck with my first solid food in 25 days!!

3 weeks!

Tommorow marks 3 weeks since surgery! Looking back, it really is amazing how fast it has gone by. I will update my weight on Thursday after I see the doctor. I am trying not to weigh daily anymore because I have somewhat reached a plateau with the numbers on the scale even though my clothes are getting looser and looser. So to avoid getting discouraged, I am trying not to get obsessed with numbers. Anyway, here is my 3 week pic (with my new haircut-I have bangs again!).

Feeling Great!

It's been almost a week since I have posted, but no worries, I am feeling great! I am surprised everyday with the amount of energy I have when I am consuming so little (500 or less/day) calories! The scale has held steady at 287 for several days now, but I have read that this is completely normal during periods of rapid weight loss. My body is just needing some time to adjust to the 26 pounds I've already lost and then it will kick back into gear! I am impatient of course, because when you are living on protein shakes all day every day for 19 days one of the main things to look forward to is seeing a new number on the scale each morning!! But I am trying to be patient...

I am back at work tonight and its my first time to be around people besides Chris since the days following surgery. I was excited to see if anyone noticed-and am happy to say they all did! Also another major milestone was that I was able to easily slip into the size 3x scrub pants provided by the hospital. When I started here I had to go out and buy my own size 4x pants- actually, I had to have them special ordered by the scrub store :( because the hospital didn't carry a bigger size.(In labor and delivery we wear speciality matching scrubs for security) That was very humilating. I have never been more excited to wear a 3x than I am tonight!

I read somewhere that it takes 20 days of doing something for it to become a habit. Well today is day 19 of the liquids and I have to say it is just becoming a way of life, I hardly even think about it. Not to say that I haven't been researching my next phase of dieting, because believe me I have! It looks like I will be able to eat (very) small amounts of tuna, eggs, cottage cheese, lean lunch meats, beans, fish, and yogurt. And believe it or not, those foods sound just as appealing as cheese fries and ice cream used to be! It may be a little premature, but I cannot control it-I am already starting to think like a thin person. My self-image has already taken a major boost--it is so amazing how losing 1/4th of my excess weight can be so mentally motivating!

20 more pounds and I will officially be the smallest I've been since my freshman year of college. I am very much looking forward to reaching that milestone! I fully intended to start back at the gym this past week but never quite made it (we had a bit of a stressful week!) but my butt will be there Monday! I go back to Dr.Roller on Thursday and am looking forward to wowing him with my enthusiam and optimism in the face of his 3 week liquid diet!!

12 days, 24.5 pounds!

Today I was very excited to see a new set of numbers on the scale-289! It's been almost 3 years since I have seen the 280's! Anyway, it's yet another small victory, but just enough to keep me motivated...the liquid diet is not only getting old, it's getting downright disgusting! I am practically pinching my nose to get them down without gagging. I know, sounds terrible, right!? But thats why these little victories are so important! I never posted my "before pictures" so today I posting a before pic and a today pic. The changes are slight, you may not even notice, but I do, plus I am wearing one size smaller jeans and top and I feel great! (I am not wearing makeup and did not fix my hair for either pic, so they should be pretty equal in that aspect!)

Night before surgery 1/26/09

12 days post-op 2/8/09

Little victory/Big disappointment

Today marks my first little victory- buttoning a size 24 pair of jeans with ease (one size down!) It also marks a BIG disappointment. My doctor's office called and left a message last week saying my 2 week check-up with the surgeon would now be delayed to 3 weeks because the doctor was going out of town. I called this morning to clarify that I would still be able to begin my soft food diet on day 14, right? right? Umm, not so much. That would be a big NO. No soft foods until released by the surgeon. So that will put me on liquids for 25 days- almost a freakin' month!!! I am NOT happy about this, as you can tell. But what can I do- I am the patient, he is the surgeon, and God knows I do not want to do anything to screw this up. So I am venting on the blog, shedding a few tears, and then I am going to "suck it up" and deal with it. There are worse tragedies in the world than a 25 day liquid diet. And, on the bright side, the weight seems to be coming off an average of 1-3 pounds per day on this diet. Maybe this happened for a reason, maybe this is my first big challenge that I need to overcome to prove that I can really do this this time. I am trying to be optimistic...really, really I am! We'll see where I am in another week or so!

Home at last!

Ayden and I finally came home last night after staying with my mom and dad for a week. It was so nice to see Chris and sleep in my own bed! But it's also somewhat strange today to be home because I have not been here since before the surgery. More than ever, I am very aware of how much my life has already changed and how much of a different person I already am. I was in the hospital for 3 days and then went straight to my parents' house and right into my routine of a liquid diet and for some reason changing environments is making me have to readjust to my new lifestyle. All the old triggers of wanting to eat are here because like I have said before, so much of my eating was habititual! I had a daily routine that very much included eating! I am excited to be home but it is somewhat emotional for me as the complete reality of what I have done has finally kicked it. I have absolutely no regrets about the surgery but the reality of how much my life has changed and MUST CHANGE FOREVER has just now occured to me. I know I will be okay...I just need to take it one day at a time. And as of today...21.5 pounds gone!!

One week anniversary!

Today marks one week since my surgery! I cannot believe how fast it has gone by. I am feeling great and losing an average of 1-2 pounds a day, I have lost about 17 pounds total. I still have a long way to go, but this is a great start. I can't imagine how great I am going to feel when I reach my goal because I am already feeling so good! I am not hungry at all and my cravings are getting less intense. I am on my 9th day of a liquid diet and believe it or not it's getting a little easier everyday. I still have to stop and remind myself several times a day that I can't eat, so much of my eating was a habit. I go back to the doctor for a checkup in 9 days and then will be allowed to start eating soft foods like eggs, string cheese, fish, yogurt, etc. I also will be able to start going back to the gym and I know working out will really speed up my results. I am walking small amounts several times a day now and doing okay with that. Tommorow Ayden and I are going back home to Rogers-YEA! We miss Chris so so much but are extremely grateful for everyone's help while we've been in Mena. I still can't lift Ayden but I think we can manage just fine at home by making a few provisions. I will post more results as they come!

Finally on the other side!

Well it's day 4 post-op and I am SO happy to be well on my way on the OTHER side of surgery! I really meant to post sooner than this, but it's been a little bit of a rough ride, rougher than I had expected for sure! So here is a little summary of my journey so far:

Tuesday morning Chris and I left home extra early and drove over ice to get to the hospital by 7 AM. My surgery was scheduled for 9:30, but the doctor was ahead of schedule believe it or not, and they took me back to the OR about 8:45. I was so nervous, I was literally shaking as they wheeled me into the OR, it was surreal. They put a mask over my face, told me to take a few deep breaths, and the next thing I remember was waking up to a lot of pain! I won't go into too much details with that, so as not to discourage anyone considering weight-loss surgery, but in one word, ouch. The rest of Tuesday was a bit of a blur, I was coming out of anesthesia and on a Morphine pain pump. By late evening, I was walking in the hallways. I was completely NPO (nothing by mouth) for the first 24 hours, and that was really miserable. My mouth was so dry I thought I would die! I wiped my mouth out with washcloths and lemon swabs and rinsed and spit water but it still sucked! Wednesday morning, I went downstairs for a barium swallow study to make sure my new stomach did not have a leak. That was awful. I got nauseated, and threw up on my blanket on the wheelchair ride back to my room. But the bright side was that there was no leak, so around 11:30 that morning I got my catheter out and was presented with a 1 oz cup of water. They told me to slowly sip it over one hour, which I thought would be impossible because I was so thirsty, but the first little sip proved to be painful. My new stomach is SMALL! So small that right now if I take too big of a drink of water, it hurts. Basically all day Wednesday my main jobs were to walk, deep breathe and cough, sip water and protein drinks, and try to pee. By Thursday I was doing well at all those things and was discharged home at noon!

Everyday I feel a little better and am taking less and less pain medicine. The pain was the worst the first 2 days and since then has been mostly soreness and gas pain. I actually feel great and have had lots more energy today. I have lost 10 pounds since checking into the hospital Tuesday morning and although I have a long way to go, that feels AWESOME!

I am overall very pleased with my decision so far but it hasn't been without some pain and right now the biggest challenge is being on an all-liquid diet while everyone around me continues with normal eating and drinking. I went to a baby shower and was surrounded by tons of food and people eating food, and I sipped on water. This may be the hardest part so far! I obviously loved food and I am mourning the loss of it. I haven't had solid food since Sunday, almost 7 days, and the psyhcological aspect of that is greater than I had ever expected. I don't really feel hungry, and I know that if I were to eat right now it would be painful, make me sick, and possibly rupture my stomach and cause major complications or even death, so there is no way I would do it, but it doesn't mean I don't miss food! Right now I am at my parents' house, and everyone is cooking a big meal and getting ready to eat (one of our favorite things to do as a family) and I am blogging as a way to keep myself occupied and not think about it! Tommorow everyone is going to a superbowl party that is being catered with barbeque, and I am not planning to go at all, that would be just too hard. I don't even like football all that much, the best part of superbowl parties is food! So anyway, this is super hard right now, but I keep telling myself that I am only on all-liquids for 2 weeks and I have the rest of my life to eat and that this surgery is still going to allow me to eat, but just in very small amounts. And the results? Being a normal-weight, slender woman!!! I CAN DO THIS!!

Pre-op day!

Today was a big day! I met with the surgeon, Dr. Roller, who was extremely nice and informative. He went over every aspect of the surgery with me and 2 other patients who are also having surgery next week. We then all met with the dietician for our pre and post op diet instructions (liquid protein shakes are going to be my new best friend, whether I like it or not!). Next I met with the pre-op nurse for a pre-op evaluation and then finally I had more lab work drawn for the big day. I signed my consent for surgery, paid the $16,000 (or rather, financed it for the next 7 years!) and I am all ready to go! I am scheduled for surgery at 9:30 AM next Tuesday the 27th! I AM READY!

10 days out...

I can't believe the surgery is only 10 days away. This realization has brought on a whelm of emotions the past couple of days, and I find myself thinking/analyzing/rationalizing every aspect of the surgery every spare moment I have. I find myself giddy with excitement one moment, thinking of the "little black dress" I may someday be able to wear to a fancy dinner with my husband, and then a moment later, I find myself terrified that one of my favorite things in the world, FOOD, is not going to be one of my best friends anymore! Yeah, I know that sounds a little twisted, but I know I am not the only person in the this world with an abnormal love for food! In fact, I share my love of food with those I am closest to.

I think of all the challenges, big and little, that I have met and overcome in my life and I know deep down that I do have what it takes to do this. I know it's going to be hard, and I am not saying I won't ever slip-up, but the point is that I have full confidence in myself that I CAN do this! I think the biggest question that is lurking is...Is this the right decision? And the worst part is, no one can answer that but me, and I know that. I find it hard to imagine that I could ever look back on this as a mistake...but the fact remains that it is a permanent and irreversible procedure. They are cutting out 75% of my stomach and throwing it out! Forever! Gone! Will I mourn the loss of my stomach? Will I wish I could have it back when its too late? Or will I forever be grateful that this physical limitation has finally allowed me to become the person I know I am inside? I certainly hope it's the latter.

So in the words of Oprah, Here are THINGS I KNOW FOR SURE...

-I am not happy at my current weight and have not been happy with my weight in a VERY long time.

-My dissatisfaction with myself and my weight has started to affect my quality of life- physically and emotionally.

-Although I have not had success losing weight and keeping it off--I have perservered and succeeded in a number of challenging things in my life (recovering from back surgery and returning to the basketball court when I was told I would never play again; graduating from one the most difficult nursing programs in the state; completing my BSN). So I know I have the emotional strength to do this, somewhere deep down inside!

-The woman in the mirror is truly not the woman I feel I am. I know there is a skinny Jessica inside and she's screaming to get out! This is never how I imagined myself to be and I refuse to continue living this life that truly is not me.

-If it weren't for my amazingly loving and supportive husband (who has loved me unconditionally for 11 years with absolutely no regard to my weight) and the love and support of the rest of my family and friends, this surgery would not be an option. Thanks to all of you.

-I don't want Ayden to ever experience the pain and struggle of being an obese person. I want to make this lifestyle change while he is young and be able to set healthy examples for him to give him the best possible chance at growing up and maintaining a normal and healthy weight.

-Last, but not least, I am scared. I could go on with this list with a 100 more reasons that I need and want to lose weight and why this surgery seems to be a very valid option for me, but that doesn't change the fact that's it's surgery. It has it's risks, it's going to be painful, and let's not forget- irreversible!!!

I have a lot to think and pray about. I want to be as fully prepared as I can be for this. I meet with the surgeon on Tuesday and I'll keep everyone updated.

Feeling the burn!

Tonight Chris and I started working out (for the first time in a long time!). We joined the Wal-Mart employee fitness center. It has an awesome daycare for Ayden which we love because it means we can workout together! We did 30 minutes of cardio on the bikes; I lost feeling completely in my legs by about minute 12 :) Then we lifted some weights, working out our upper body. Chris was a great motivator, although I think he overdid it on the weights trying to impress me, LOL. Anyway, it was actually fun to get out of the house and do something besides sit on the couch together while watching HGTV, which is our usual routine in the evening! Ayden loved playing with all the other kids too. Then we came home and polished off the evening with baked fish and steamed broccoli. I am so fortunate that Chris is doing the diet and exercise with me, it helps me so much! Our plan is to go 3 nights a week. I'll keep you updated on our progress!!

Surgery Date!

My surgery has been scheduled for January 27th. I am so excited and so nervous! But more than anything...I AM READY! I have posted a weight loss ticker above for the whole world to see my starting weight. (My starting weight is overlapping with my current weight so that's why it's hard to read...but the number is 313. YIKES. But I fully intend for that number to only go down from here, and I will be more than happy to share the new numbers!

Only 132 pounds to go...

I decided to start a new blog about my up and coming weight loss journey. I am doing this primarily for myself, as a way to journal my thoughts, feelings, successes, and challenges as I embark upon this new, exciting, and somewhat terrifying decision that I have made. I guess I can start by giving a little background...



I am 27 years old and according to my doctor, 132 pounds over my ideal body weight. I haven't always been this way. As crazy as it sounds, the weight really did just sneak up on me over the course of about 8 years. I am not going to make excuses and blame an underactive thyroid (which for some people is an actual metabolic disorder, but in my case my damn thyroid works just fine!) nor am I going to say that all I eat is Lean Cuisines and salad (because I do eat a lot of Lean Cuisines and salads...but that is usually followed 45 minutes later with a sinful dessert or even a whole other meal!) but I will say that I am offended by the all too common stereo-type that all fat people are lazy and sit around all day eating potato chips. Let me clear that one up real quick: I don't even remember the last time I had potato chips. Maybe at a 4th of July cookout? I don't know. And although I am not on the stair-master at 5 am every morning, I wouldn't exactly call myself lazy. I work a very physically demanding job as an RN 2 nights a week, and the other 5 days I spend chasing around my very active 16 month old son. In fact, in the past I haven't really let my excess weight limit me as much as one would think. I get out and about like everyone else, park in the back of parking lots and walk, occassionally opt for the stairs over the elevator (and live to tell about it!), and have even been known to get out in the driveway and shoot hoops. I was an extremely athletic teenager-volleyball, basketball, softball, running, weight-lifting-you name it, so I think that athleticism has somehow stayed with me, even if just a tiny bit. In fact, for the last several years I have been in denial about my size and weight, and as long as I avoided clothing stores, mirrors, being in photos, riding amusement park rides, and trying to buckle up on an airplane, I could pretend I wasn't carrying around all that extra and unhealthy baggage.



But guess what. It finally caught up with me. Right around my 27th birthday in fact, I got out of bed one morning and my bones popped and cracked as I walked to the bathroom. They continued to do this most of the day. My back ached. My hips and knees hurt. A few weeks later I made the fateful decision to have some professional photos taken of myself and my son for my husband as a Christmas gift. When I first saw the photos (it had been a long time since I had had picture taken where I wasn't hiding behind someone or something with just my head peeking out!) I didn't even recognize that woman in the picture. It was mortifying to say the least. But sometimes a good dose of reality is what it takes to make some change, and in this case, it's exactly what I needed. I knew I had to do something. Something big, something life-changing. Something drastic. And that's when I decided that someway, somehow, I was going to have weight-loss surgery.



My dieting history goes way back. I have done Atkins, Sugar Busters, The Fat Flush plan, Slim-fast, and Weight watchers to name a few. I have joined and quit several gyms, including the women-only inspired Curves. And guess what? I have succeeded on some level with just about everything I have tried! My best attempt at weight loss came in 2006 when I wanted to get healthy before getting pregnant. I counted calories, exercised 3 times a week, took diet pills for a short time, and lost 65 pounds. I subsequently got pregnant, had a baby, quit my job and stayed home for 6 months and gained all the weight back. Plus a little more. That's when I was just about ready to give up. I had lost and regained so much weight in my life that I was about to decide that being fat all the time was less depressing than having my weight go up and down like a yo-yo, a constant battle of success and failure, constantly feeling like there was something very wrong with me for not being able to keep the weight off. Then I started doing some research on weight loss surgery (something I actually had been considering for a couple of years) and found a surgeon nearby. I attended an informational seminar and left in tears. I knew it was the answer I had been looking for for so long!

On December 1oth I met with a Bariatric Medical Specialist and underwent a very thorough evaluation. This is where I was told my BMI was 46 (normal is less than 25) and that I needed to lose approximately 132 pounds. The surgery that the doctor has recommended for me is the Sleeve Gastrectomy. I had tons of lab work done, an EKG, chest x-ray, and barium swallow study. That puts us up to date. I am now waiting for the surgeon to call me for a pre-operative consultation and then will be setting up my surgery date! I don't think any amount of research and reading (and believe me, I have done A LOT!) is going to fully prepare me for what I am about to experience. But I am very blessed to have the best and most supportive husband in the world along with a very loving and supportive group of family and friends, so I know that no matter how challenging this journey may be, I will have someone there with me every step of the way. The doctor recommends keeping a journal during this process, so that is the purpose of this blog. It really is just for me, but on the off chance that I might help or inspire someone else out there, I am making it available to the public. One of the first things I had to come to terms with as I made this decision was that I could not longer lie to myself about my weight. It is real, very real, and is impacting my health and my future every single day of my life. I am young. I am healthy (aside from my joint and back problems) and I want to be able to live my life to the fullest and set the best possible example for my precious son. I want to become a person who eats to LIVE not LIVES to eat. So here begins my journey...

(I fully intend to post my pre-op weight and some "before" pictures, but don't quite have the nerve just yet. I'm taking this one step at a time...)